Before leaving...

I just changed the time zone of my blog from EST to IST - Indian Standard Time. IST is 10.5 hrs ahead of EST, in case you're keeping track at home.

I am not in India yet, but I will be soon enough. I don't even have 24 hours left in the US. It's crazy to think about.

This past week, I have been in Chicago for orientation. We have had some amazing speakers who really got me stirred up and made me think about living consciously and about the context through which I should be living this next year. One of the main themes - probably the main theme - was about what the word "missionary" means now. Because, really, due to our association with the church, we are, technically, missionaries. However, I am still unsure of how I feel about that word. Thinking of missionaries makes me think of the Crusades or The Poisonwood Bible. So many people have suffered and died because people believed that they were on a mission from God, and I am not ready to put myself under that title and join the ranks of these people.

According to the Presbyterian Church (USA), being a missionary today does not mean that we are out to shove scripture down people's throats or "civilize" the "savages." Over and over again, we were told this week that we were not out to do anything, really. Instead, we are stepping out of our comfort zones to be. To be with the people where we will be living, to understand how they live, to experience the harships they experience and to learn how to be a positive member of the global community. Doing implies that I have something to give and the people I work with need to receive what I have. However, a more accurate statement might be that that the people of India and I have a lot to offer each other. Only by being - by standing unashamed with fellow humans who have been considered unworthy, by allowing equal and open exchange of ideas and concerns between all and by allowing mutual respect and friendships to flourish - can any change be brought about. And I'm not talking about conversion-change, I'm talking about equality/justice/peace-change. Our goal is not to bring God to people, but rather to see the ways that God is already working all across the world and to learn from that.

While I may not be ready to call myself a missionary yet, I am definitely excited to take up the mission of being and all that it entails.

This was read to us twice this week, and we all found it to be powerful: http://www.pcusa.org/trade/downloads/dreamingupsidedown.pdf

Think: baby steps

Today, I am 7 days away from leaving my home for a year. 7 days. This is becoming more and more real and more and more nerve-wracking. I've been busy trying to prepare for India this week, and each task that I accomplish makes me think of 10 more tasks I need to work on. I have so many questions, so many worries. But I am also very excited about what lies ahead of me, about the connections that I'll make and what I will learn.

Sometimes, though, I feel overwhelmed. I can't possibly be prepared for every situation that I will be faced with, and I can live with that. But sometimes my mind starts thinking too fast about what I need to do, and that makes me feel like I have too much to do in too little time. And then I start thinking about how little I actually know about what I'm going to be doing, and that just makes me feel out of control. So I've decided recently that I need to take this all in baby steps and not let my mind race too far ahead of me. I like to think that I'm accomplishing something by trying to think about situations that are beyond my control, or by planning for every possible situation, but really I'm just stressing myself out. So I'm trying to pull in the reins a bit on my planning nature and focus it more on the immediate future instead of on the entire trip.

By the way - thanks for taking a look at my blog! This is my first entry, and my first blog, ever, and I'm so excited to be able to share my experiences abroad with my friends and family in such an immediate way! I am so grateful for your interest, your thoughts/prayers, support and well-wishes! I couldn't be surrounded by a more supportive community!

I will be in India by the very end of this month, and hopefully will have a lot more to say then. Until then... I'll keep taking baby steps.